> Colossians 3 is divided in verses 9-10 where is talks about putting off the old man and putting on the new man. There are general characteristics of the new man and then this section on authority and submission in three spheres of relationships. It is instructive to note a similar pattern in Ephesians 5 and the similarity between 5.18 and 3.9-10.
> Success in marriage consists not only in finding the right mate, but also in being the right mate. --anon.
> Adam and Eve didn't get to chose their mate, and their was no provision for starting over.
> PROPOSITIONAL STATEMENT: Paul describes how the "new man" affects the marriage relationship.
I. WIVES AND THE NEW MAN (v.18)
A. WHAT: Be subject to your own husbands
ὑποτάσσω hypotassō St# 5293 -- to subordinate
5259 Hupo under
5021 tasso to arrange (i.e. assign or dispose (to a certian position or lot);
--In the Greek you would see the similarity between the words "be subject" and "order."
--The verb hupotasomai has a military air, ommon in the Koine for such obedience. Obedience in a government is essential as the same word shows in Romans. 13.1 and 5.
--Note how the word is used in these passages: Romans 8.7; 10.3, 13.1,5; Titus 2.5; 2.9; 3.1; and Hebrews 12.9
1. Godly submission is...
Not being afraid of the husband... It is to be the result of fearing God and being subject Him.
Not just outward obedience... It is an attitude which is characterized by a 'meek and quiet spirit' 1 Pet. 3.4
Not passive (i.e. playing dead, the absence of rebellion) It is receiving direction from him and honoring him.
Not a disgrace... It is modeled after the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the supreme example of godly submission (Phil'p 2.5 and following).
Not natural... It is the result of being filled with the Holy Spirit. Eph. 5.18 ff.
2. The wife is to submit because...
> of the order in the Godhead 1 Cor. 11.3
> of the dorder of creation 1 Timothy 2.13-14
> of the reason the woman was created 1 Cor. 8,9 (notice the mention of mutual dependence)
> of the example of the holy women in former times. 1 Peter 3.5 ff
B. WHY: It is fit in the Lord
ἀνήκω anēkō -- to atain to (fig.) be proper
303 ana up
2240 heko to arrive, i.e. be present
> "The word is uded of actions that are due someone." ---K Wuest
> "He command wives to be subject. This is clear, but what follows is of doubtful signification--as it is fit in the Lord. For some connect it thus-- "But sbject in the Lord, as it is fit." I, however, view it rather differently, --As it is fit in the Lord, that is, according to the appointment of the Lord, so that He confirms tha esubjection of wives by the authority of God." --John Calvin
1. VIEW: Some see this phrase as answering the question, "How is the wife to submit?" In the manner the Lord would want you to.
BASIS: Point to the comparative sense of os.
EMPHASIS: That the submission should be done in a manner that pleases the Lord.
2. VIEW: Some see this phrase as answering the question, "Why is the wife to submit: Because it is proper in the Lord.
BASIS: Point to the past tense of "fit" which perhaps indicates that this obligation is known by reasoning from what is self-evident.
Point to the fact that this would parallel the thought in verse twenty-four (also 3.24 & 4.1).
EMPHASIS:That the wife should submit because it is in accordance with the Lord's will.
APPLICATION:
> Who is our chief example of submission? Christ
> Was Christ's submission to the father undesirable, humiliating, or unpleasant?
> Bad attitudes about the Biblical concept of submission slanders the Trinity.
> It is not an action, but an attitude that transforms actions.
II. HUSBANDS AND THE NEW MAN
What does Christian headship or leadership look like? Jesus explains in Matthew 20.25-28
A. WHAT: Love your wife
ἀγαπάω agapaō to love (in a social or moral sense)
> "To be sure, all believers are admonished to love one another; but the love of a husband for his wife has a special character, ideally modeled on that of Christ for His church, which means that it is much more that a sentiment." --E.F. Harrison
1. Holy love is ...
> Not physical attraction... It is in the spiritual realm. (Dog's have strong physical attraction.)
> Not irrational or romantic feelings... It is the rational, conscious act of the will. (Ill. or God's love in Romans 5.8 which was not a response to positives.)
> Not an easy or simple thing that comes naturally... It is an are that must be developed and perfected. (Ill. of a piano player who moves emotions with a skill that is the result of years of instruction and practice.
> Not based of performance... but that will change what we do and how we do it.
2. The husband is to love his wife because...
> of the example in the Godhead (Father loving the son John 5.20; 15.9; 17.26)
> of the example of Christ loving the church (Eph. 5:23,25)** How is Christ loving the Church today?
1. Heb. 7.25 always lives to make intercession for... (Rom. 8.34)
2. Preparing a place for us John 14.2-3. Note that providing for physical needs is a first basic step. Even unbelievers do that (1 Tim. 5.8)
3. Sympathizes with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4.15-16
4. Forgives what we confess and cleanses us of all (1 John 1.9)
> she is the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3.7)
B. WHAT: Be not bitter against them
πικραίνω pikrainō
to embitter (lit. or fig.)
> "Be bitter" is pikraino, 'to embitter, exasperate, irritate.' Lightfoot translates, 'show no bitterness, behave not harshly'." --K Wuest
> He requires love on the part of husbands, and that they be not bitter, because there is a danger lest they should abuse their authority in a way of tyranny." --John Calvin
> "It is useless to call your wife 'honey' if you act like viniger toward her." --A.T.Robertson
> Hebrews 12.15 cautions against allowing a 'root of bitterness' because it causes trouble and it defiles. Then it give Esau as the bitterness "poster child." The sense is that bitterness promotes a spiritual deadness like Esau had.
> Look back to Christ-like leadership in Matt. 20.25-25. The wife is not here to gratify your desires. You are here to be a servant leader to her.
APPLICATION:
1. Pursue peace and cooperation, not domination.
2. Remember that this is a partnership.
3. Don't get too stuck on "being the head," but focus on a loving, gentle spirit toward you wife. Lead by primarily by prayer and example.
